dealing with family & friends

dealing with parents/guardians

Although you may have been pretty independent before all this started, having to see doctors and get treatments means you probably need more help from your parents again. Teens take pride in being independent, and it may feel like you are going backwards! This is particularly true when you return to school, if you have been absent. But remember—this is not forever. You may need to work with your parents and help them understand how they can be helpful without making you feel five years old again.

dealing with friends

Just as cancer is a big deal to you, your having cancer is probably a big deal to them. Your friends most likely want to help and support you but just don’t know how. Try to imagine what it would be like to be in their position, and what it would be like to want to be a friend to someone with cancer. Some things your friends might be thinking:

• What am I supposed to say?
• How should I act?
• Should I not talk about things that seem less important than my friend’s cancer?

It’s helpful to be direct (yet respectful) with your friends so that you can get the support you need. Here are some example situations:

• If you don’t want your friend to ask you questions about your cancer treatment, you can tell them, nicely, that “I understand you care about what’s going on with me but I’d rather not be asked about my cancer treatment. It’s a tough thing for me to think about and talk about.”
• If you sense that a friend is acting distant, or not being as warm or friendly around you, you should try talking with them and finding out what’s going on with them. You could say, “Hey, is everything okay? I feel like you’ve been kinda distant recently. How are you doing with my having my cancer?”
• If your friend says something that upsets you or annoys you, particularly if it is related to your cancer diagnosis, say “I don’t like when you make comments about my having cancer. I know you’re just joking around but it’s not funny to me.”
• If your friend asks you a question about your cancer diagnosis that you don’t know the answer to, or simply do not wish to respond to, say “I don’t know the answer to that question. You can ask the school nurse or a doctor about it.”

Remember, communication is key to getting the support you need.  

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